You’re probably familiar with the 90’s classic film, Casper. Actress Christina Ricci in the movie befriends the friendly ghost Casper, while accompanying her father at his job. This is a cute concept for a movie, not so much in real life. If you make a friend today and refer to them as a ghost, it is probably due to one of two reasons:
1) You may want to seek psychological help.
2) A person has suddenly cut off all communication or access to themselves from you.
Let’s go with the latter, this practice is called “ghosting.” Still not sure if you have been a victim of it or made someone a victim of it (sips tea)? Have you found yourself double-checking your messages for a response that never comes or do you go to look up a person that you have been communicating with regularly and find you are no longer friends on social media networking sites? I hate to break it to you, but you’ve been ghosted and if you have caused someone else to experience these things, then you are practicing ghosting.
Millennials have mastered the art of not holding accountability for others’ feelings. This practice is never considered negative until you are wearing the shoe on your foot. Several people excuse ghosting as a form of protecting their peace. We’re all here for self-empowerment, self-love, and cutting off things that don’t serve as beneficial to our growth.
However, let’s not dim someone else’s light while seeking our own. A part of self-empowerment is making positive choices. Let’s face it, everyone is not going to click. There is going to come a time that someone is deeply interested in you and the feelings aren’t mutual. The easy thing to do is to cut off the communication and let that be a cold cut answer for how you regard them. This practice is hurtful, because you may not have thought this person was a bad person at all, just not the person for you.
On the other hand, this might be a person with horrible traits that have never been checked for their behavior. The best thing to do for both of these people is to tell them. Let that nice person know they are a catch, but not the one for you. Let that trash compactor know that they need to work on their people’s skills so that they can get someone like you, but as of today you are not it and don’t plan on being it. Yes, feelings and egos are going to be bruised on both ends, but at least you’ve done the work in defining your character by being an accountable, honest, and compassionate person. You owe that to yourself. As for those being ghosted:
1) Don’t ignore character flaws if someone tries to reveal them to you. Growth is a daily task and doing the work to be better does not mean you’re bad, but that you want to be your best.
2) Remember you are worthy of someone’s time and attention, and your worth isn’t measurable by those who can’t see it for them themselves.